Are You Surrounding Yourself with Narcissist People
Aliya ended the phone call with her friend and breathed a sigh of relief. She’d spent the past hour on the phone and she felt drained and weary after the conversation. Every time Aliya tried to share something positive or upbeat, her friend countered with a negative reaction. The whole exchange made Aliya wish she’d never answered the call.
Sometimes, Aliya found her friend enjoyable talking to. But most of the time, her friend was negative and wanted to argue. She was easily offended and constantly involved Aliya in her latest drama.
Narcissist People Steal Your Joy
One day, Aliya looked up the definition of narcissist people online. As she read articles on the topic, she discovered that her friend shared many of the traits that are commonly found in narcissist people.
Aliya learned that narcissist people are often thieves, but what they take aren’t your possessions. They take your energy and your time. Because narcissist people are good at distraction, it can be months or years until you realize that a narcissist person is negatively affecting you.
Narcissist People Take Your Energy
It’s common for narcissist people to have frequent catastrophes. When Aliya discovered this, she thought of her client, Jayden. To him, everything was one big emergency. He called late at night, even when she was supposed to be off duty. He never gave her advanced warning about projects that were coming up so Aliya found herself routinely working on rush jobs into the wee hours of the morning.
When it comes to narcissist clients, there is always a crisis looming. As a result, you feel like you have to be at their beck and call. You’re constantly shifting your schedule to accommodate their latest problem and you feel helpless to change anything.
Narcissist People Swipe Your Time
Narcissist people don’t respect your time and have no problem taking it when they want to. This might be the friend that shows up on your doorstep after you’ve told her you have to work on a big project. It could be the client that expects you to help her with her responsibilities, regardless of how much work you already have on your plate.
The same narcissist people that want to take your time usually don’t have time to help you when you need it. They have no problem fiercely guarding their time because they think their time is valuable, which is the exact opposite of how they treat your time.
The important thing to remember when you’re dealing with narcissistic people is that they subtract things from your life. But in healthy personal and professional relationships, you feel like things are being added to your life – more hope, more energy, and most importantly, more joy.
Why Are Some People Narcissist?
You have that one friend or client who you know is a narcissist. Occasionally, you might have a pleasant conversation, but those are few and far between. Your interactions are typically negative and you end the video chat or phone call feeling anxious, upset, and wiped out.
Dealing with this person makes you wonder why some people are narcissists. While not every narcissist person is the same, they do share three common motivations. If you start paying attention to your interactions, you can usually spot which one is driving your narcissist friend or client.
Their Jealousy is Poisoning You
You have the business client or that friend that you just can’t share good news with. Whether your win was big or small, a narcissistic person always downplays it. If they do acknowledge how hard you worked, they may do so in the form of a backhanded compliment.
An example of a backhanded compliment would be the friend that upon hearing about the new business deal you just closed says, “I’m so happy your little business is finally profitable.” While this comment may sound innocent, the narcissist person is clearly trying to downplay your success. These types of comments usually stem from jealousy and have nothing to do with you.
Fortunately, the solution to handling this type of situation is easy. Stop sharing good news with people that won’t rejoice with you. In a healthy personal or professional relationship, there’s plenty of room to celebrate wins (small or big) together.
Their Judgment Leaves You Doubting Yourself
Some narcissist friends and clients might act judgmental or say judgmental things. This type of behavior can leave you feeling like you must earn approval from the narcissistic person in your life. You may find yourself censoring not just what you say but who you are. As a result, you feel like you can’t be authentic with this person.
Judgment is one of the chief ways that a narcissistic person stunts your growth. They don’t want you to better yourself or your business. They want to keep you on their level or even slightly below their level. An example of this might be the client that posts negative testimonials on your website or LinkedIn profile despite the fact that they love your work.
Don’t look to a narcissist friend or client for support about a life or business change you’re making. Instead, only tell people that you know will be genuinely happy for you and encourage you.
Their Insecurity Steals Your Spot Light
A narcissistic person is often insecure. One of the ways that you’ll see this behavior is that they have difficulty sharing the spotlight. They want you to know that however great your life is, theirs is better. If you’re having a bad day, they’re having an even worse one.
Narcissist friends or clients can turn everything into a competition. Even seemingly small things like the number of your social media followers or how much weight you lost can be a source of competition.
The worst thing you can do with this type of narcissist is trying to win. Instead, you should refuse to join in the competition. For example, a friend wants to compare the amount of money you both make. Instead of naming a dollar amount, say something simple like, “I have enough to pay my bills and I’m grateful for that.” This shuts down the narcissist person and doesn’t give them a way to compare anything.
Understanding why narcissist people behave the way they do can make it easier for you to navigate your personal or professional relationship. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can change a narcissist person’s outlook. If someone is determined to live in negativity and fear with a poor mindset, there’s not much you can do to change them. Instead, concentrate on bettering yourself and if possible, limit your time with this narcissistic person.